Layer 67 08 08 08 The Olympics Begin.

.
The big day has finally arrived. 08 08 08. And at the 8th minute of the 8th hour the Beijing Olympic Games duly began, after nearly 4 hours of spectacular opening ‘ceremony’. It was an amazing multi-media performance. Beginning with hundreds of drummers, lined up in ranks, filling the floor of the ‘bird’s nest’ stadium in total darkness, hammering their huge square drums which lit up with every beat.

There were lots of real surprises, like the 360 degrees video screen right around the top of the stadium, a huge globe that emerged from the floor of the stadium and seemed to hover in the air, and a final torch bearer who seemed to run around the rim of the stadium, suspended by wires, prior to lighting a huge Olympic torch. Maybe it was all over the top and ridiculously extravagant, but it was certainly impressive.

After the show came the parade of competitors, all vying for the first title of the games - the worst dressed team. And there were some real hummers, some of them really stinky, some of them just hilarious. Ranging from the plain drab and boring to the ridiculously and hideously bright and garish.

So we now have two weeks of fun and games, and no doubt a lot of dross mixed with a certain amount of excitement and some cracking good entertainment. I’m not sure I can take any more of Sue Barker, though. She’s got to be the most stilted, robotic, idiotic presenter in the history of TV.

However, the BBC commentary team for the opening ceremony included Hazel Irvine who could hardly open her mouth without saying something patronizing and derogatory about China, who clearly seemed to consider herself some kind of geo-political expert, and someone called Carrie Gracie, another Scot, who’s apparently a fluent Mandarin speaker, and who at one point seemed to say “China’s been working hard, trying to civilise itself in preparation for these games”. I’d like to get confirmation of that, because it hardly seems possible that any commentator could possibly say such a thing.

Hazel’s stand-out quote was uttered in a part of the show that apparently related to Confucius. “A man who had a habit of speaking truth to power - a lesson there for the current Chinese leaders,” said Hazel. Bleah! Hazel Bleahs indeed. What is it with middle aged women called Hazel?

I think there should be a new verb - to bleah, or blear or blair. To talk utter supercilious, patronizing, vomit-inducing bullshit in an unconvincing suburban middle class voice.

Talking of creating new verbs, the wonderful Harry Pearson was in good form in his Olympics column in today’s Guardian:

What nouns will become verbs?
Athletics leads the world in the important business of converting lumpy old "naming words" into exciting and vibrant "doing words" and many people are tenterhooking as they await the latest developments. After Five Live's Allison Curbishley's bubbling efforts in popularising medalling and PB-ing, some experts believe this time the former runner may go for broke with outbursts like: "And word coming out of the US camp is that D'Ladedah Tubbs, who all-comered when semi-finalling in the 400 metres, has positived. Until Wada have B-sampled we can't start scandaling but I'm hearing some of the media in America have already furore-ed and I'm sure we can expect some real controversying in the next 24 hours." Other observers, however, believe that Curbishley has already too-earlyed.

Also:

What new bit of gimmicky tat will Paula Radcliffe add to her running kit?
Britain's favourite birdlike distance runner started off plodding round the track in a standard vest and pants but over the years she has bolstered her performance with the addition of sunglasses, beads, a nasal strip, white gloves and knee socks. Like a teenage boy with his first car, it seems Paula just can't stop clipping accessories to her vehicle. Many experts expect her to start the marathon sporting fog lamps, furry dice and an air horn that plays Dixie.
.