Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Layer 297 . . . Self Belief, Up All Night, Zzzzzzzzs, Michael Gove, Bananas and Proportional Representation

The guy doing Thought for Today this morning told us that 'self belief' is the most important quality for political leaders. Which is why it's also very important - I'm sure we'll agree - that our next leaders are Old Etonians who carry an ironclad self belief with them at all times - thanks to having been to the nation's elite school and therefore equipped with, and armoured by, an elite education. Not.

It seems, according to the radio, that Cameron was up all last night - campaigning, not shagging - popping up hither and yon to annoy groups of nightshift workers up and down the country.

We also heard on Today that sleep deprivation usually gives those who are deprived of their zzzzzzzs very strong feelings of great optimism, and delusions of grandeur. Since Cameron already had those feelings and delusions, thanks to being a smarmy toff and an Old Etonian, the effect on him must be amazing. Today we can expect him to announce that he, and not Raj Patel, is the Messiah. By Friday he could be claiming he's the Prime Minister. Fucking hell!

Thank goodness for Michael Gove, who I seem to be noticing more and more frequently. I'm fascinated by him - especially the way, uniquely it seems in this election, he sniffs after making a comment, or whilst listening to a question. Is it OK to sniff whilst live on air? Is it necessary? Is this a sign of someone who has so much self-belief he doesn't even monitor his own snot-controlling behaviour? But why doesn't someone tell him?

It seems to me that Gove has been used by the Tories during this election as their front man and spinner-in-chief for interviews on radio and TV - presumably because he seems, or seemed, to be capable of maintaining an even keel, smoothly navigating semi-tough questioning and maintaining a kind of insouciance and cheerful reasonableness, which must stem from quite a strong self-belief.

This morning, however, thanks to the blessed John Humphries on the Today programme, he finally blew it - and we had a proper glimpse of what Gove under pressure, losing his rag, might look like. Very nasty indeed.

This is brilliant. Humph pressed him on his objections to proportional representation, and Gove blurted out,

"Show me a disinterested academic who supports PR and I'll show you someone who's been a member of the Labour party or the Liberal Democrats for the past 20 years!"

So Humph quoted him two who weren't, and aren't. Boom!

"This is blind date politics! Clegg's voice is seductive! You don't know who you're going to end up in bed with! Ed Balls! Harriet Harman! David Miliband! If that's democracy - then I'm a banana!"

"Thank you for that offering", said Humph, smoothly.

Gove then went on to dig even deeper, and blathered, "It's the people who decide! - Not politicians in smokeless rooms!" - by way of confirming that he'd properly lost his cool. The correct expression is "Smoke-filled", you twat! Such a quaint and inappropriate expression, anyway.

PS Millionnaire property-flipper Gove, MP for Surrey Heath, had the nerve to accuse the current government of 13 years of failure, social division and increasing inequality. Clearly he thinks the Tories' 17 years of the same stuff was a much greater achievement.

PPS Since the vast majority of nations and people around the world seem to agree that proportional representation IS proper democracy, then clearly Michael Gove IS a banana. You can't fault his logic.


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